Something inside of me shifted and I saw that I was capable of more than I had realised possible beforehand. I felt expanded and empowered. It wasn't just a 'thought', it was a deep knowing. I felt energised in every cell of my body.
That particular shift was all around rowing...
The way things turned out that was actually just the beginning for me. In September 2005 I had another life changing shift. This time around a triathlon (swim-bike-run) race in the lava fields of The Big Island - a part of Hawaii. Beforehand I was full of worry, doubt and uncertainty to the point where I was close to pulling out altogether. I'm so glad that I didn't! After the race I had this crazy 48 hour hitch hiking adventure meeting interesting characters and taking in the amazing and varied landscapes.
Afterwards I When I got back from Hawaii I handed in my notice at work and signed up for a year long training to become a Steiner (Waldorf) teacher where I discovered that I could express myself in new ways like this...
So I began to explore myself from an esoteric framework of understanding. Steiner calls it 'Spiritual Science'. 'Painting', 'Sculpture', 'Speech' and 'Music' were also on the menu as well as a highly unusual form of movement called 'eurhythmy'. Look, here I am playing 'Jack' in Oscar Wilde's brilliant play "The Importance of Being Earnest" that we put on as our graduation performance.
It is fun to remember the glorious moments of victory and the cool stuff that happened afterwards. There are usually photographs. There are always celebrations. Feelings or 'rock stardom'. Women especially seem magnetised towards me when I have achieved something epic. Fun times! Here I am in my tiger outfit at the Budgy Smuggler Christmas party in 2012...
The circumstances were of course different each time but the pattern is crystal clear. Something like this:
1. Go for something BIG
2. Come up against Resistance,
4. Hang in there and Wait...
5. Achieve something much bigger.
This cycle seems to repeat itself over and over in every area… In my relationships with others. My relationship with money. Living my life 'On Purpose'. Here I am cracked wide open half way through Path of Love. An amazing week of transformation called based on Osho's insights.
The worlds of sport and business have nice clear metrics which give great feedback. You either win or you lose. You achieve a 'personal best' or you don't. You take £x in sales for the week or you take £y. Of course the really juicy stuff can be harder to quantify. The quality of my relating with other people is a great barometer for me. There are no obvious 'numbers' yet the feedback is every bit as useful.
When I am on point, others around me reflect that back. Strangers come up to me and give me things that I need. Friends ask me to help with stuff they feel vulnerable about. Amazing work opportunities land at my feet and women say things like "Dunstan, I want to give up control. I want you to take me to places that I have never been to." in the bedroom. It feels amazing when others are open to trust me with their bodies, businesses, boats and other posessions. Here I am 'flying' a dear friend in Sydney.
So what is going on here and how can I work with it?
"As Without, so Within"
My results on the physical plane are a great way to see what is going on in my inner world. This is radical self accountability at its most potent. It is the opposite of being a victim. It requires courage, curiosity and an attitude of amusement. Here are some questions that help me to unlock the gold from a challenging situation.
- What was I trying to achieve?
- What kind of experience did I actually create?
- Why did I do that?
- What was my hidden agenda?
- How is my core wounding playing out?
- Is it still true for me or has my energy moved on?
- What do I really want?
- What shall I try next?
Back when sport was my main thing this all played out on a physical and energetic plane without me really knowing what was going on. Nowadays the work seems to be mostly on the level of 'feeling' and 'getting results'. As an 'Inner-preneur' my mission is to create opportunities for growth, service and abundance for myself and others in my community. When I am in alignment, magic happens. When I'm off the mark, there is the opportunity to learn something. The more spectacular the fuck up, the more profound the learning! So here is looking forward to a life full of potent magic and mammoth fuck ups! The ones that unlock the hidden treasure...
I wish you many excellent adventures in the month of April.
'Enough Love' aka Dunstan Bertschinger